Reset Your Relationship With Food: Tips From a Registered Dietitian

Figuring out the “right” foods to include on your plate is a struggle for many. With an endless flow of conflicting information at our fingertips, this challenge is only compounded by diet culture’s ever-prevalent messages. As we head into the holidays, now is a great time to take a look at your relationship with food, make improvements as needed, and better enjoy this season. 

Symptoms of an unhealthy relationship with food include feeling guilt, shame, or anxiety over food choices; thinking about food constantly; “making up” for food choices that deviate from your diet; feeling out of control around certain foods; or having very rigid food rules that causes stress when diet-friendly options aren’t available. If any of these sound familiar, here are four ways to reset your relationship with food. 

Relationship With Food Reset #1: View Food as Morally Neutral

Nutrition is not the only reason we eat. We eat to nourish our bodies and we eat to connect with friends and family, to provide comfort, to experience traditions and cultures, to feel sensory pleasure, and to celebrate. Viewing food as morally neutral allows us to include a variety of foods in our diet, eaten for a multitude of reasons. 

Think of a difference in food choices as the comparison of a tree to a bush: they are both outdoor greenery and yet one is not better or worse than the other, they are simply used for different purposes. Trees are better at providing shade and bushes are better at providing privacy from neighbors, but a beautiful yard typically contains both. 

Some foods bring the fun and others provide the fuel, but there is no such thing as “good” or “bad” food (unless it’s moldy, then throw it out!). Labeling a food “bad” can cause us to think that we are bad because of our food choices. This might lead to self-punishing behaviors and thoughts, e.g. “I’ll just go for a really long run!” or “I’ll make up for it by eating only vegetables later,” as well as feelings of guilt or shame. None of these thoughts are welcome at the dinner table! 

Relationship With Food Reset #2: Stop Compensating for Your Food Choices

Overindulging one day or eating foods that deviate from your diet does not mean you need to suffer or restrict later on. You still need and deserve to eat as you normally would. Engaging in restrictive eating patterns to “make up” for certain foods or meals often leads to subsequent overeating, which only cues up more feelings of guilt, lack of control, shame, etc. This cycle of restricting and overeating is incredibly difficult to break out of, so our advice? Don’t engage in it. After an indulgent meal, get back to your regularly scheduled eating. 

This tip also applies to exercise, which is often used by many chronic dieters to “earn” food or to punish themselves for dietary choices. Exercise has many wonderful benefits: it relieves stress, strengthens your body, improves the quality and length of your life, reduces disease risk, builds endurance, and increases energy levels. Treating physical activity as a form of punishment leads to negative feelings towards exercise. This makes exercise less enjoyable and is associated with less consistent physical activity, which deprives us of those aforementioned benefits. 

Relationship With Food Reset #3: Reframe Negative Thoughts

Next time you notice yourself thinking diet-centered thoughts, take a moment to reword them into a neutral observation instead. Here are some examples:

Diet-centered thoughts:

• Cookies are fattening
• I can’t eat pretzels because they’re empty calories
• I’ve been so bad with Halloween candy
• I ate so much; I have no self control

Neutral observation:

• No singular food causes weight gain, only eating excess calories
• Pretzels contain carbohydrates, which provide energy
• I’ve enjoyed some pieces of a favorite treat
• I ate past the point of fullness. I’m making a mental note of my discomfort to help me learn to stop when comfortably full

In a society steeped in diet culture you might not even notice how often negative thoughts pop up. Once becoming more aware of these internalized messages, you can begin to address your self-talk. With time and consistency this helps to retrain your brain to approach food from a more neutral, non-judgmental perspective.

Relationship With Food Reset #4: Practice Gentle Nutrition

Gentle nutrition is a principle of intuitive eating. It encourages food choices that honor both your nutrition knowledge and food cravings so that your body and spirit feel their best. 

To learn how to implement gentle nutrition, let’s revisit that previous example of pretzels. Maybe you’re craving something savory and crunchy for an afternoon snack. Diet culture might tell us that pretzels are “bad” and we should eat celery sticks instead. However, practicing gentle nutrition means that we acknowledge pretzels are mostly carbohydrates (which give us quick energy), but when eaten alone that energy isn’t long-lived and we’re likely to be hungry again soon after. Armed with nutrition knowledge, you might then look for a whole-grain pretzel for its fiber content, or pair some pretzels with healthy fat or protein, such as hummus, guacamole, or nut butter. This makes the snack not only more enjoyable, but much more satiating as well. 

The balanced plate approach to meal planning can be a helpful guideline when learning to practice gentle nutrition because it promotes a mix of food groups and nothing is off-limits. When creating meals, focus on the big picture. Take a step back: What food groups are currently on your plate? Also consider which food groups are missing - i.e. those foods you can add to a meal to make it more balanced, nutritious, satisfying, and enjoyable. 

We can’t live without food. With the standard eating pattern of three meals and 1-2 snacks daily, that’s 35 opportunities per week to practice having a healthy relationship with food. With these tips, we hope you can start to trade stress and guilt for 35 chances to enjoy eating, feel your best, and reset your relationship with food.